woke up. sleepy still at 8am. put clothes on. new blue shirt out of the wrapping (the one i tried and failed to steal off adam before (and after) he broke my heart). i found it in a shop here. his taste tainted me I realise - I wear his deodorant, cook in his pot - but it’s so good I let it. walked to A’s to return her key in this particular clear unfiltered morning light so rare here. brisbane crisp blue morning light. so balanced it hits every plane with the exact same intensity. london’s sooty dim buildings look scandalised to be caught in this light. drank coffee with A that she made. that moving-around-the-kitchen thing that you do when a close friend is present. we talked about living together, furniture, where will the piano go? she went to work and I to the pool. thought about the richness of an outdoor pool for public use. swam fast and even when I was done couldn’t bear to leave the water. womens’ pale humble bodies in the changing room & a tender feeling. walked home maybe an hour, on the way drank a coffee, felt very steady sort of like bouncing lightly off the earth. showered. answered two important emails - one love, one work - on the stoop barefoot letting my hair dry in the sun. men delivered things to the houses either side of me. went to school reading blue anne carson on the train. talked to a girl who I was too shy to tell I loved her work. her skull is mechanical tattooed pale blue gears and intersections. got the wrong train and as we passed tower bridge a man said that’s my favourite moment when the blue spires rose. sat in the park on the damp grass to read the paper. S arrived, he said this shirt is made of the marbled endpapers of a book by a swedish philosopher. we drank campari and fished sour orange wedges from the ice. watched the nick cave movie at the picturehouse and S who never stops talking knows enough not to when we walk out. we walked in opposite directions and the moon was bright. my lips were dark in my white face the bus window reflection. my housemates drunk playing land down under which is a song that on occasion makes me feel wretched. read an article in a national magazine about a woman who I was broken up with for once. bought a blue raincoat on the internet.
weirdest thing about being away is everyone got haircuts without telling me. whole new topography in that town